Written for JuC Day 2004
He Will Be Loved
. . . and this is why JC loves Justin.
-beauty queen of only eighteen-
During the NSA craze, when they're out-selling the Beatles or something insane like that, Justin finally becomes a commodity unto himself.
They all sorta sensed it might happen, and then it surprises them by actually happening. The girls get a little wilder, the press goes a little crazier for him, and JC is nothing but amused for the kid.
Justin gets styled, adored, gets attended to like a star, and he glistens golden with all the attention. He turns to it like a flower opening to the sun, and JC watches as he grows more beautifully into himself every day.
-he had some trouble with himself-
JC holds Justin's head in his lap and strokes the curls gently. He shakes his head imperceptibly when Chris turns and looks back from the front seat.
"It's gonna be OK, J." JC pitches his voice low, meeting Joey's smiling eyes in the rearview mirror. "We're gonna get you back to the hotel, pour some water down your throat, and put you to bed."
"And you're gonna feel like shit tomorrow, but hey, that's, like, a whole ten hours away," Joey grins.
Justin moans. Chris winces and asks "Why do you let him?"
JC raises his eyebrows. "You stop him."
-he was always there to help him-
Justin and Britney's end is a bad one. It's a longer break-up period than JC expects, and every bit as nasty as he might have imagined. The tabloids orgasm over it, displaying garish covers, grainy candids of Britney gritting out a smile, of Justin's tight and pinched face.
"BRITNEY CHEATS: NOT SO INNOCENT"
"JUSTIN TELLS BRIT 'BYE BYE BYE'"
Justin's infrequent periods of privacy are invaded even more, and the whole thing is stressing him out.
"I'm so tired," he whispers one night. "All I want to do is, like, sleep for a week."
JC nods, and draws the curtains.
-he always belonged to someone else-
"Jayce, I'm sorry, man, you know I'd be there if I could, but-"
"It's cool, dude. Really."
JC tries to tell Justin that it doesn't matter that he isn't going to be able to make any of his club dates, but he's not sure he's convincing enough. He really doesn't want to lay a guilt-trip; Justin sounds so honestly regretful, and he really is busy all the time, JC shouldn't begrudge him the only amount of time he'll get with Cam before heading to the UK.
But he remembers the skinny kid who once monopolized his time, and misses him.
-i drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door-
"So LA didn't work out?" Lynn asks gently as Justin hides behind his menu.
JC shrugs, unwilling to verbalize just how very much LA hadn't worked out. He studies the beer list; he feels like he needs one, even if he's not old enough to order it.
"Honey, you know, these things take time and faith. Lord knows you've got plenty of both. You did the right thing, coming back."
JC nods, and shifts uncomfortably under her sympathetic gaze.
"Tell him about Chris' idea," Justin suddenly pipes up, and there's something to his tone that makes JC forget about beer.
-i've had you so many times but somehow i want more-
"-best friend." Justin murmurs as he pillows his head on JC's thigh. JC is reading The Fountainhead for the seventh time, and is just as absorbed as if it was the first, so he doesn't catch all of what Justin's saying.
"Hmm?"
The steady purr of the bus' engine matches the vibrations of the low, soft noises emanating from Justin's throat - damn kid can fall asleep anywhere, JC thinks, and absent-mindedly puts a hand to the rise and fall of Justin's chest. He is twenty-seven pages further into the book before he realizes that Justin's hand is covering his.
-i don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain-
When Lance collapses, exhausted, to the floor of the practice room, Justin bops over to the corner table and grabs him a bottle of water. When Joey's face turns a frightening purple from exertion, Justin deliberately flubs the combination to draw Wade's criticism. When Chris' knees swell so bad that he can barely hobble to the bathroom, Justin unobtrusively and gently tugs on his hand to propel him forward.
When Justin sinks with a sigh into bed, JC rolls towards him, a careful hand already lifted to the shadowy planes of his ribs, smoothing, tracing, resculpting him for another day.
-look for the boy with the broken smile, ask him if he wants to stay awhile-
"Hey now," JC says helplessly, and Justin wriggles against him, a delighted lapful of teenager. It takes JC almost everything he's got to push J off his thighs and onto the floor. And Justin's pout almost makes him want to gather the kid up all over again, pull him up and screw the whole legality thing, screw Lou--
"You're going back to your room now, ok?"
"But . . . don't you . . . and I - why not?"
"Because you're fifteen. And apparently, I'm a perv."
JC covers his face with his hand, like maybe if he can't see Justin, he won't hurt him.
-and he will be loved, he will be loved-
"You . . . you're . . . oh my god . . . "
Justin smiles, a shining crack in reality, and JC's mind goes haywire as Justin twists on his cock, corkscrews himself down and around, and the feeling, the sensation, the fucking incredible bliss - he can't even articulate it, it's so fucking amazing. Justin's ass is so tight, so hot and all this fucking motion, up and down, Jesus Christ, and it's so perfect, he's perfect, he has no idea how J got so good at this, but he doesn't hardly care, it's so fucking phenomenal. He's inside Justin, inside him, fucking inside him.
-tap on my window, knock on my door-
He can't help but smile when Justin tells him; it's so adorable.
"I think Britney likes me. Like, likes me, likes me. What should I do?"
"Well, do you like her?"
Justin blushes and hunches his shoulders, which JC takes as a yes. Damn, was he ever this young?
"Maybe you should ask her out."
"No way!! Are you kidding? Nuh huh!"
"Why not?"
Justin blushes again, and ducks his head, and he's just the cutest little thing JC's ever seen. He's so telling Tony about this - the baby with his first-ever crush, and who does he run to?
-i want to make you feel beautiful-
Justin is playing Ocarina of Time with a single-minded intensity that bothers JC. Chris usually plays with him, but Justin's the only one in front of the TV tonight. JC sits down on the couch, not really wanting to go back to his bunk, but it's too late at night to do anything else, really.
'I've been thinking, Jayce," Justin says casually, like he hasn't been uncharacteristically silent all night.
"Yeah?"
"I've been talking to Jive-"
It's not the first time JC's heard of Justin's potential solo career. It feels premature, and yet somehow not, and he'll conquer the world.
-i know i tend to get so insecure, it doesn't matter anymore-
"Fuck, fuck, FUCKER!"
Joey's loud in his anger; JC only hangs his head, silent tears of rage spilling down his cheeks. Justin is tight-lipped and pale; Lance is red and wide-eyed, and Chris is throwing clothes into his suitcase with fiercely controlled movements. They're all kicking themselves, but JC feels like he and Chris deserve most of the shit. They're the oldest; they should have known.
"You couldn't have known," Justin tells him.
"I should have-"
"No one knew how he was screwing us. No one blames you. I don't blame you."
Oddly enough, JC takes comfort in that fact.
-it's not always rainbows and butterflies-
The color is high in Justin's face. "It's not like it's my fault, ok?" he spits out.
"No one's saying it's your fault! I just thought - well, never mind what I thought."
JC makes like he's going to leave, but Justin grabs his arm.
"Tell me you're ok with this, dammit."
"I'm not gonna lie to you, J, say it sits well with me when it obviously doesn't-"
"Fuck, dude, you know Jive gets the final say!"
"Jesus, I know!"
He's just the point guy now, the pretty second, and it makes it somehow worse, knowing that Justin cares.
-it's compromise that moves us along-
"But I don't wanna share a room with Lance. I wanna share with you," Justin whines, and JC and Joey exchange smiles over their bitter coffee.
"You can room with me in Munich, I promise."
Justin pouts prettily, and JC's almost tempted to give in, until Joey begins laughing. "What's so cool about JC, huh?" he manages. "How come you never wanna room with me?"
"Your socks stink."
"Oh, and JC's so clean?"
"He is!" Justin insists, and JC laughs with Joey.
"What's so funny?" Justin asks in a hurt tone.
JC can only shake his head, and Justin glares.
-my heart is full and my door's always open, you can come any time you want-
Justin tells him that he wants to propose to Britney, and JC's heart plummets to the vicinity of his knees. He hides it. He smiles and says all the appropriate, encouraging things, but Justin knows him well enough to know that something's off.
"You think I should wait."
JC denies it, but Justin's smart.
"C, please. I trust you on this. What do you think?"
Justin's all grown-up now; he doesn't need anyone telling him what to do.
"Honestly? Yeah. I'd wait."
"Then I'll wait," Justin says decisively, and JC lets out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.
-i don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain-
"Too many of those kill the liver," the clerk tells JC as she rings up his second bottle of ibuprofen in as many hours.
"Yeah, but unless you've got some codeine back there-" JC shrugs.
The clerk frowns. "Toothache, you said? Can't you get him to a dentist?"
"Not until Houston, apparently."
"I'm sure the concierge can call-"
"No, there's some, um, insurance thing." He shrugs again. "He'll live through the night."
The clerk nods sympathetically, hands JC his change. "Well, you be sure to get some sleep. You look beat."
But JC knows he'll be up all night too.
-look for the boy with the broken smile, ask him if he wants to stay awhile-
Justin's hammered at Johnny's wedding reception. He cuts in on JC and Bobbie, and instead of sweeping her away, he takes JC in his arms. Bobbie retreats, and Justin leans in close, and whispers to JC that his girlfriend looks like trailer trash. JC tries to pull away, but Justin's breath is warm in his ear, and he continues, murmuring that she looks like hot trailer trash, but JC looks even hotter, and has JC ever thought about filming it when they fuck? JC gasps when Justin licks along the underside of his jaw; Justin's tongue feels like sweetened desperation.
-and he will be loved, he will be loved-
"Can I . . . can I . . . "
JC nods frantically, grasping Justin's upper arms, searing his lips over Justin's collarbone, tasting the sex in his salt and his sweat. Justin moans in the back of his throat and roughly hoists one of JC's legs up over his shoulder, his nails grazing lines on skin. JC's trembling with anticipation, his body lifting off the bed, his hips arching up, quivering with need. Justin blindly grabs the bottle of lube and almost before JC can blink, Justin's sliding into him, sinking into him, and when he leans forward to kiss him, JC feels complete.
-i know where you hide alone in your car-
"It's hack time, man, why're you back here?"
Justin is curled in a ball at the end of the couch. He doesn't lift his head to respond to JC.
"It's showtime, J. Come on."
"I'm coming," Justin says dully. He doesn't move.
JC stands in the doorway, wanting to go to Justin, to wrap his arms around Justin's weary body. He wants to fly Justin away, watch him swim in the ocean, sleep on the sand, the sun kissing his face like JC would, if he could.
"You gotta keep pushing, J," he says softly. "You can do it."
-know all of the things that make you who you are-
Justin likes both jam and butter on his toast, and he's picky about his bread. Justin cheats at board games, but never at basketball. Justin is always happier to see his mother than a new city.
Justin can't wake himself up from nightmares. Justin believes wholeheartedly in love.
Justin is selfish, likes being first, likes being best, and he feels guilty about it. Justin is generous, cares more about friends and family than about himself, and he doesn't realize it.
Justin closes his eyes when he comes, sighing.
Justin isn't scared of anything anymore, except death, and that's forever away.
-i know that goodbye means nothing at all-
JC sits on the stage, watching roadies packing up equipment for the last time. He hears Justin approach, but he doesn't turn around.
"It's over, huh?" It's not a question, and Justin doesn't respond. He sinks to his heels beside JC, arms resting on his thighs, head bowed.
He doesn't say that it's not the end. He doesn't say that they'll be back in the studio before they know it. He doesn't say that hiatus - JC can't decide whether to love or hate that word - just means a well-deserved break.
And even later, he never really says goodbye to JC.
-comes back and makes me catch him every time he falls-
"I didn't mean to, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!" From behind the closed door, Justin's voice sounds frantic, high-pitched and frightened, and JC paces a tighter circle in front of Lou's room. The older voice rumbles something that JC can't hear. There's a moment of silence, then he can hear Justin's sobs, tiny, hitched in his chest.
When Justin emerges, JC will catch him and hold him, hug him as his tears soak the shoulder of JC's shirt, even as he fights to get away. He will tell Justin that everything will be ok, and Justin will believe him.
-tap on my window, knock on my door-
"You know what?" Justin's voice is tinny on the cell phone. "I just want to apologize to you. I in no way, shape or form, in my wildest dreams, thought that this would ever affect you."
"Me neither." JC chuckles a little. "I was at home watching it with, like, everybody else."
Justin manages to laugh. "You know, I don't know what to say, man."
"You know what? You don't have to say anything, you know, you said you're sorry. I just wish it hadn't reflected on me, you know?" He hears Justin sigh. "Hey. Keep your chin up, kid."
-i want to make you feel beautiful-
"Explain it to me again," Justin says doggedly, and Lance launches into the details of the litigation for the fourth time. When he concludes the simplified account, Justin sags against JC's side, passing a hand wearily over his eyes.
"I need, like, Lawsuits for Dummys," he jokes weakly, and JC strokes his back, trying to convey a sense of comfort and security that he doesn't feel for himself.
"We're gonna get help with this," Lance assures them. "We've got people, lawyers - it doesn't end here."
Justin nods, and JC wants to kiss him until his fear and uncertainty subside.
-i don't mind spending every day out on your corner in the pouring rain-
One day, JC looks at Justin, and it's like he's looking at him for the first time ever. The smile and the face, the eyes and the body, they all add up to something JC wants. And he never thought about it like that before, but that's how he's thinking about it now, and sure, Justin's like his little brother, but Tyler was never that beautiful, never.
And sometimes, he thinks Justin wants him in the same way. Something about the flash of his eyes, the casual sling of his arms around JC's shoulders.
He might be projecting. Or not.
-look for the boy with the broken smile, ask him if he wants to stay awhile-
JC finds Justin out by the lake, crouched on his heels, staring at the water. JC stands behind him, looking at the knives of his shoulder-blades through his thin shirt.
"They're good numbers, J."
"I know."
"Nothing's ever going to touch Strings, that was never something-"
"I know."
"They're good numbers." He doesn't know what else to say. They're still on top, no question about that, they're more in the game than ever.
Justin reaches up, takes JC's hand without looking. They stay by the lake - the sun sets and the air grows cold, but Justin's hand stays warm.
-and he will be loved, he will be loved-
The first time it happens, it's Justin's sixteenth birthday, and they're both drunk.
"I want you to kiss me," Justin whispers, and he's so warm against JC's side, so fluid and silken, that JC is tipping his face up almost before he realizes it. He covers Justin's mouth with his, and it's not an artful kiss, but what skill it lacks is made up for with enthusiasm. Justin's all over him, hungry lips and flicking, curling tongue, and he's moaning a little, and Christ, that's dirty.
"God," he mutters, and Justin presses against him, sweet, so wrong and so right.
-and he will be loved, he will be loved-
The first time it happens, Justin is eighteen, because JC refuses to do it any sooner. He's glad he made them wait, though, because now that it's happening, it's needy and beautiful, their bodies together, frantic and aching, craving skin, craving heat.
Justin's hissing like a cat when JC slicks him up - trying to be careful, trying to make it good, pleasure through the pain, and it must be working, because suddenly Justin's hot and open, pushing back against his shallow thrusts. JC sinks in deep, gripping Justin's hips, fisting his cock, and when he comes, Justin's shuddering with satisfaction.
-and he will be loved, he will be loved-
The first time it happens, Justin is fucking JC, slow and steady with the rhythm that JC feels in his bones, the intense pushpushpush that pulls the whimpers from JC's throat. Justin's eyes are wide and baby-blue, like he can't believe the glide of their bodies, like it's something suddenly too good to be real, and JC hears the words tumble helplessly from his lips.
"I love you," Justin says, his hand stroking down JC's cheek.
"I love you," Justin says, pressing a kiss to JC's thigh.
"I love you," Justin says, and finally JC can say the words too.
-please don't try so hard to say goodbye-
Things change; things stay the same.
They get signed and sent to Europe. They come home and win a lawsuit and shatter all the records. They live on top of the world for longer than anyone deserves to. They work hard and they're grateful.
Things change.
They take a break, stop living in each others' faces. They do solo work, they live their lives, they keep in touch, they're good friends.
They talk about singing together, working together again, and one day, they're back in the studio, smiling, and it's like the beginning all over again.
Things stay the same.
